I had such a great discussion with my Men’s group last week. (If you’re not in a small group , why not?!) Through the course of that conversation, I had some real eye-opening moments, and this is one of them.

I thought to myself, “I should really write a post about this; I’ll have to do that sometime.” But I know what that means -- there’s a good chance that it will never get done.

“I know! I’ll make myself some notes so that I can come back to it later, when I have time.” Of course, I’ve got gigabytes of great ideas that aren’t ever going to go anywhere because I’ll never just “have” time to do them. And here’s why:

Because the days are evil.

I know, that sounds harsh. But those aren’t my words; I found them in Ephesians 5:16. It says there that the days are evil ( pon?ros ), which means not just that the days are bad, but they are full of hardships and difficulties. The days - not just the daytime, but the whole period of 24 hours - are chock full of things that frustrate us, make us angry, fuel our sense of shame, and inspire us to bury our heads in denial or throw up our hands in disgust.

And so, if time just “shows up” for me to do something meaningful and fulfilling, there’s a good chance that I’m missing something else. Somewhere, a child is neglecting his homework. Some laundry is not getting folded - or maybe not even getting washed in the first place. A dinner isn’t getting made. A Zoom meeting is being missed. A long overdue conversation isn’t happening.

You get the point; even during this time of stay-at-home, issues of time don’t just resolve themselves. Real, genuine, productive things aren’t going to “just happen.”

“Well,” you may be thinking, “they kind of are. I know more about my co-workers family than I ever did before because now, when we’re on Zoom, I’m seeing their kids jump around in superhero costumes in the background - and now I know their lives are just as chaotic as mine. And we’ve had dinner as a family almost every night these past few weeks, and we couldn’t make that happen for years. And I’ve seen my sisters more digitally in the past two weeks than I have in person in months....”

Okay, I’ll give you that. If we’re honest, most of us are having at least some experiences that we didn’t really plan or create, but we look back at them and say, “that was a happy accident; why didn’t I do this before?” But, I’ll wager, for every one of those things, we’ve got several other things that we’re not doing, that we feel we should be doing, that we can’t seem to start doing (or our family refuses to help us with) that would make our lives better, easier, or more productive.

And, since we’re being honest here, I’ll bet there are also a whole bunch of things that, if we stopped doing them, we would be able to do many of those things that we believe we should start doing. (But, hey, Netflix is not going to binge itself.) But that’s the point:

This is a good time for me to reconsider what I’m doing with my time.

Paul wrote that we should, “consider carefully how you live” (Ephesians 5:15a NET). If I’m considering something carefully, it isn’t an afterthought or a task I can perform while multitasking. Considering carefully requires my undivided attention and intention.

Be Intentional

“Taking advantage” or “making the most” of every opportunity means seizing opportunities when they arise. We can’t just let them pass us by. But it also means creating opportunities by thinking about and planning how we are going to use our time wisely.

That makes sense, and this is the point in the conversation when I begin telling myself that I should be doing things that I’m not doing, and then I start feeling a little guilty about it. But, here’s the thing:

Feeling guilty doesn’t change anything.

It feels bad to feel guilty, but that, in and of itself, is just wasted time and energy... unless we actually do something about that feeling. “Sadness as intended by God,” (or “Godly sorrow” in the NIV) as Paul calls it in 2 Corinthians 7:10, leads to “repentance to salvation, which brings no regret.” So, if I’m feeling guilty and I don’t use that to bring about a change, I’m wasting that time, which will likely lead to even more guilt and regret. If you’re feeling guilty, don’t ignore it. Do something. Take action.

If you don’t, there’s a good chance that, eventually, compounding guilt will become shame. And, guess what? Shame doesn’t change anything, either. In fact, shame just causes us to feel worse about ourselves, and that causes us to have even less energy and motivation to take action.

So, if you’re reading this and you’ve got some guilt about some things you need to change, I want to encourage you to start making that change. Don’t just decide to make a change (eventually) - because deciding to do something doesn’t make it happen, either. You know what makes change happen?

Change. Doing something - even little things - begins a course of change.

If you’re looking for some good places to start, stay tuned to this space; we’ll post suggestions every once in a while. And, here’s the first one:

Prayer and Supplication

In Philippians 4, Paul tells us to, “not be anxious about anything” (6a).

OK; thanks, Paul. Isn’t that kind of like saying, “don’t look down?” That feels obvious and unhelpful at the same time. But Paul keeps going; he says, instead of being anxious about whatever-you’re-anxious-about - if you find yourself being anxious, let that anxiety be a reminder to you to take action: “through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, tell your requests to God” (6b).

So that seems like a good place to start; for some of us, in some seasons of our lives, it feels pointless to “just pray about it” - but remember this: when you’re struggling to take action, even a little action in the right direction is better than no action at all. Paul’s prescription here is not to just pray, but to petition - which means being very direct and clear with what you’re requesting - and to surround your requests with thanksgiving - not just thanking God for what he will do, but, also, for what he has done. And for who he is. Thanksgiving might be a struggle in this season, but it is important.

And, of course, it might be helpful to remember what Paul says will happen if you follow his advice:

“...the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:7).

God's peace, and his protection of our hearts and our minds, is exactly what we need when our worries, concerns and anxieties are overwhelming our senses. In John 14:27, Jesus promised peace - real peace, his peace - to his disciples, then he said, " Do not let your hearts be distressed or lacking in courage."

"Distressed" in Greek is tarass? , and it means to agitate or stir up something by the movement of its parts, like the rolling and tumbling of boiling water. If you've never watched water boil, you should do that.

Go ahead.

I'll wait.

In fact, I'll make it easy for you: http://bit.ly/2V6BeSt

Fascinating, right? Did you notice how the rolling boil starts? Just a few bubbles. Just a blip here and there. But those few bubbles become a few more, and a few more, until the entire pot is rolling and tumultuous.

Jesus and Paul aren't telling us that our feelings don't matter. They aren't saying that our fears and anxieties are unimportant or that we should just ignore them or push them down and deny them. Nor are they telling us to muster ourselves and overcome our fears by our own will. Neither of them are even suggesting that we should be able to conquer our own fears.

Instead, very explicitly, they are telling us to lean on God’s strength and character by being obedient to his gentle calling, and he will respond. He will draw near (James 4:8) and provide us with his peace, which, by the way, surpasses all understanding and, at the same time, makes all the difference in the world.

So, take action:

In this moment or season, what do you need from God? Be specific, honest, and vulnerable with him. He can take it.

What has God done for you that you can be thankful for?

Finally, what characteristics of God are you most thankful for right now?

During this COVID-19 quarantine, we are all experiencing losses of many kinds — the loss of celebrations, such of graduations and weddings; the loss of significant ceremonies, such as funerals; the loss of jobs and income; and the loss of everyday stability, such as routines. With loss comes both grief and emotions. Watch this video for some insight into how to manage the grief and emotions you're likely faced with during this time. 

Fear is a part of everyday life on some level. Fear can actually be good for us. God gave us fear as a warning system that helps us stay safe. Think of it as an alarm system on a house. When there is an intrusion, the alarm goes off to protect you. There is a true story of a woman whose part of the brain (the amygdala) that works to alert the body of danger was completely shut off. She found herself in dangerous situations on a regular basis because her brain’s warning system did not operate correctly. In the midst of the global pandemic, many people find themselves with heightened levels of fear and anxiety.

It can be challenging to know how to react when our body’s alarm system won’t shut off, but there are things that we have control over that can help to calm the body and mind. So, here are some simple, yet powerful, steps to help calm the body and mind.

1. Accept the negative emotions you are experiencing. It is common to avoid unwanted negative emotions such as anxiety, fear, anger, frustration, and uncertainty. But the reality is, the more we try to avoid these negative emotions, the more we intensify them. It sounds counter-intuitive but allow those emotions to be there. Notice them. Get curious about your experience with them. One quick, helpful tool is a technique called, “Notice and Name.” Just by noticing the emotion you are experiencing and naming it out loud, it helps to calm the body down.
2. Remember not all negative emotions and stress are bad. Negative emotions and stress can have a positive impact. If handled well (not perfectly), God can use negative emotions and experiences to grow our character. As we cope in healthy ways with anxiety and negative emotions, it strengthens our resilience. It also has the potential to deepen our relationships with others and with God. Additionally, we have the potential to appreciate our blessings in new ways.
3. Anxiety carries, so limit your coronavirus consumption. Have you have ever seen a movie or tv program that shows a heard of animals calmly grazing only to be attacked by a predator that forces the entire herd to flee? This is an example of anxiety traveling. Just like it travels through the animal kingdom, anxiety also travels through humans. So, limit the amount of time you and your family spend listening to the news or reading social media. You may even need to limit your time talking with others about the situation. Stay informed, but don’t marinate in the negativity. Instead, look for ways to take in the good that surrounds you. Increase meaningful, joyful activities, listen to music, dance in the living room, play games with the family. All of these actives create a social connection that helps to calm our anxious nervous system.
4. Create new routines during this unpredictable season. One reason people are so anxious is the loss of what feels predictable. Creating a flexible but consistent routine helps to create a sense of stability which brings a sense of calm. Wake up at your normal time, eat well, exercise, and get a good night’s sleep. All of these activities increase positive endorphins while decreasing negative hormones that contribute to anxiety.
5. Take control of your thought life. Victor Frankel was an Australian neurologist and psychiatrist, as well as a Holocaust survivor. In his book Man’s Search for Meaning, Frankel responds to his horrific circumstances, “The one thing you can’t take away from me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me. The last of one’s freedoms is to choose one’s attitude in any given circumstance.” While we have little control over COVID-19 and its impact, we do have control over what we choose to do with our time and with our mind. Take time out of your day to write down your blessings, create a gratitude jar with your family, and look for the beauty in your relationships.

Brothers and sisters, all across the globe we have entered a very unique and stressful time- a season in our lives that may bring up our worry and feelings of uncertainty. Though we are able to wash our hands, practice social distancing, and take care of our neighbors as best we can, we have come to find that there is still a lot that is out of our control.

When we lose a sense of control over our lives, it is very normal to feel disoriented and to want to grasp at things that help us feel secure again, like hoard grocery supplies, watch the news incessantly to keep a tab on everything happening, or try to control everyone else around us. Our bodies may tense in anticipation of what waits for us around the corner. We may try to predict the future in order to guarantee that we’ll get a certain outcome that we are ready for, though no one fully knows what is to come.

Even in the midst of all this uncertainty, there is hope (Hebrews 6:19). We do not have to feel paralyzed or helpless but can move forward with our lives and the world just as it is.

Here are a few tips to consider:

1.) Acknowledge what you are feeling. Fear, sadness, or anger are perfectly normal, natural feelings that may be rising in you. There is insecurity, grief over your varying losses, and anxiety over what your future holds. Instead of avoiding these emotions, you can acknowledge this pain with compassion. You can ask the Lord to enter into the pain with you (Psalm 46:10).

2.) Affirm who you are and who God is. Going through difficult times can make us believe we are powerless, insignificant, or out of control. It may even make us doubt God’s goodness. Again, this is a normal way to feel, and yet we are not held captive to these initial reactions. Begin this step by affirming that you are a beloved child of God, a God who looks at you with infinite love, tenderness, and tremendous regard (Isaiah 43:4). You are not small or unimportant to the Lord who is always near. Remember that, though circumstances are hard and pain is present, God’s plan for you is to prosper you and to give you a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). You cannot see how it will come to pass, but you can trust the process. Often, God works through slow miracles (Philippians 1:6).

3.) Recognize that you have choice. In the face of fear, may you never forget that you always have the power of choice. Ask yourself this: who do I want to be? What choices can I make today that will keep me aligned with the kind of person I want to be, despite my current circumstances? Moment by moment, you get to choose what to focus on, how you want to respond, and what you want to cultivate according to what you value most. Maybe this means you choose to practice gratitude in your mind space, or maybe it means that you spend time reaching out to others in order to serve those who may be feeling isolated.

God is using today and the days to come to make you more like the image of his son, Jesus Christ. Try opening up and asking God about what He wants to do in you today- then take some time to listen.

These times are difficult. Let them be difficult. Recognize that “this is bigger than me”, and allow this to lead you towards surrender to the One who is in control. Feel what you feel, be who you want to be, and let go of the results.

Try to keep your family on somewhat of a schedule. This will be especially helpful for online schooling done from home. Having a written out schedule helps keep expectations in check for everyone and can decrease conflict. I would even suggest having your kids help you write up the schedule too! More input = more buy in. Don’t forget to allow time for mental breaks to decompress, just like they would have at school during lunch/recess/passing periods.

Find a fun way to make up for cancelled events! A lot of highly anticipated events have been cancelled, so try to substitute these with fun and out of the ordinary activities around the house or in the community. Ask your kids for ideas and don’t be afraid to get creative with this, especially as more businesses begin to close. Here are a few examples to kick start your brainstorm: learn a new card game, break out the old jigsaw puzzles, plant flowers, build things with scrap wood in the garage, rearrange the furniture in their bedrooms, paint something and hang it on the wall, go for a walk around your neighborhood or even drive to a new one and do some exploring! Again, get creative with this and ask your kids for their input.

Ask your kids how they’re feeling about everything… have they heard things about the virus from their friends? Have they seen things on social media that they didn’t understand or that didn’t make sense? Are they putting on a calm face but secretly freaking out underneath? Or perhaps they are actually freaking out! Rather than telling them what you want them to hear, start the conversation by figuring out where their thoughts are at and proceed from there. Kindly engage with any misinformation they may have heard and meet their fear with comforting truths.

If your kids are fearful let them know that things are a little scary for you too! It’s okay to be human, and it communicates to our kids that it’s okay to feel emotions and to express them in a healthy way. Address their fear and then encourage them with a positive reminder of truth. For example: “I know you’re scared about things, Mom is a little scared too. But one way to help keep us healthy is by washing our hands so that’s why I’ve been asking you to do so.” There’s a healthy middle ground between dumping your fears on your kids, and expressing your emotions to them in a way that models for them what it looks like to be human. Aim for this middle ground and if at first you don’t succeed remain calm and try again!

Take care of yourself so that you can be present. This may be the most important because kids pick up on your stress and anxiety sometimes before you even notice it. Making sure that you’re okay first typically means that you’ll be better equipped to help your kids manage their own emotions. Remember the airplane instructions to put your own mask on before assisting those around you… that’s exactly what you’re doing here. Carve out some time in your day to do what you need to do: call your friends, text your support system, FaceTime your loved once, etc. And don’t forget that a lot of counselors are able to offer a virtual platform for therapy and can help make sure that you’re doing alright. Utilize the electronic resources at your fingertips to get what you need, and then put your devices aside to be present with your kids. Your full presence and engagement is going to help your kids to be resilient through this season, and shape them to tackle the next obstacle that comes their way.